Anxiety is a weird thing. It often seems to have a grip on my life that I can’t entirely shake. I’m doing better than I was, and my gut feeling is that this is one of those things that takes time to overcome. However, it is difficult. Very difficult. I spend a lot of time and mental energy trying just to decipher my reality from my catastrophic thinking which often leaves me feeling exhausted and vulnerable.
I’m not sure if I will struggle with this my entire life of not, but some days it can get really hard. Just having to dedicate so much energy to keep my mind on track with what is real and what is imagined. It’s hard. Very hard. But the work is paying off, I think. I have someone very special to me in my life, with whom my relationship was critically damaged in part because of my poor coping skills with my anxiety.
However, I can sense that as I get healthier, we are growing closer. The exhaustion from the everyday battle with my anxiety is miserable, but everything feels better when I get to see her smile at the end of the day. Is it worth it? I think so. If not for her, it’s at least worth it for the improvement in my mental health.