It has been difficult these past couple of weeks. Someone I truly adored and myself recently parted ways. I’ve gone through several different emotional states, ranging from heartbreak to pure exhaustion.
I have unfortunately made the mistake of trying to get back into the dating scene. The only thing that has come from that is the realization that 1) The majority of the people my age are not looking for the same things, and 2) the ones that are looking for the same things are well into their 30s with multiple children.
They have already lived the fun stage of their 20s and are ready to settle down and live a comfortable life. No goals, no big dreams. I’m not really certain how to move forward. I want human connection, to be held, and loved, and dream of a life together, but it seems that you simply can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Dating is… complicated. Could I just choose someone and throw care to the wind? Yeah. But what really is the point in that? Choose someone you know is not in line with the goals you have? It will simply result in drama and drained energy.
I never really wanted to be alone. I always wanted to have someone to share life with. Just build those little memories. The sweet stuff. The laughter and the inside jokes.
I feel like there is a pretty big difference between the dating scene now and what it used to be. And honestly? It’s exhausting filtering through person after person. Putting yourself out there to find quite frequently that the priorities for finding a partner have shifted over the years.
Now there are terms like “Passenger Princess”. Drug use is common, money seems to be everything except to a small minority of those under 30. There is a checklist of requirements you must meet.
I have even seen two instances where you had to fill out a literal google form where you had to check the boxes you met, provide your annual income, and provide how much you were going to allocate per month to fund their weekly shopping adventures. No joke, that actually happened.
I really don’t see much point in searching for a partner when how much you make and what car you drive is the standard rather than the exception.
It is just difficult for me to understand how that has any bearing on the value someone can provide to a relationship.
Being alone isn’t as terrible as it sounds. In fact, as long as you stay off of social media and keep a consistent schedule, it really isn’t half bad. No drama, no arguing, just quite solitude.
In fact, one of the most interesting things about it is that once you hit that kind of silence, and sit in it, your mind starts to light up. You start having ideas again. You start being able to solve problems that you used to struggle with.
I think the hard part about all of it is that it didn’t used to be this way. But several people I’ve talked to, even my ex when we first started dating, have told me that the dating scene is exhausting at the worst and frequently frustrating at the best.
I honestly think I would rather spend time to myself and be happy and content with my life than continue trying to date. Maybe it will change in the future, but right now dating only invites more drama into my life.
I like being content.