Laying The Foundation

I loved the seminar last night, and I love the resources that I am receiving and the knowledge and insights that I have gained into myself. However, I have also been through some stuff, and I recognize red flags when I see them.

There are a couple of things to note about the business mentors and this “education and vetting process” that is repeatedly mentioned. I have heard several people mention things like “partnership” and this “process” as part of the steps to take but very no one would actually give me the details in full.

It took trusting my gut, and doing a lot of digging on my own time to recognize a wolf in sheep’s clothing before I dug in. Which that alone shows progress from where I used to be. I won’t delve into the specifics of what is really going on behind the scenes here, but I will focus on the insight it did give me.

I Know My Why

Regardless of the questions I have about the other stuff, I can say without a doubt, I have learned a few things that have grown my perspective and my personal growth journey. I know why I want to leave a legacy. That has not changed. I want to give kiddos like me the opportunities I never had as a child. I want to save them from the pain I felt that they shouldn’t have to go through if they don’t want to.

And not only kids. A large portion of this blog has been dedicated to my relationship with my ex-girlfriend Mikaila. I have detailed a lot about the lessons learned from how I handled that relationship and how much I really appreciated her for the investment she did pour into me.

Her and her daughter will always have a place in my heart. Both Mikaila and Vivica for being the purest representation of love I have ever seen. If mama ever feels comfortable reaching out to connect, I won’t ever say no, but I also understand what I have put all of them through.

However, as stated in previous posts, I know my why. And I have a mission that I am here to achieve. I don’t expect anyone, Mikaila especially, to invest in me unless they have assurance that their investment will return something of value.

A Shift in Perspective

I still believe that opportunities are earned. And even before meeting these individuals, I had been gaining the perspective that documented consistent progress over time is the only way to ensure that I actually am becoming the guy that I used to be. Not the shell that I was.

The difference between that and now is that before the only lens I had was justifying to Mikaila’s parents why I should be allowed to date her. However, now the lens is my why. It’s not about convincing her parents of my suitability as a partner. It’s about my dream. It’s about me leaving the world a better place than I found it. Leaving light behind me instead of darkness.

The Difference Between Genuine Investment and Investing for an Agenda

It is certain, given the investment that I will be putting into the community around me, that Mikaila’s parents, and Mikaila herself will be aware of my growth and progress as a person. However, the beautiful part is that isn’t the “why” anymore.

I’m not doing this for some hidden agenda. I’m doing this because my time on this Earth is limited. Mikaila hated it when I would say that and would frequently sock me in the shoulder for it, but regardless it is still a harsh truth that I face.

We do not realize how valuable our time is until it is running out. I do not want to leave this world without making it better. That is extremely important to me. However, doing things with hidden agenda’s is a waste of time. Both my time and everyone else’s.

Will I Become the Person Mikaila Fell in Love with Again? Yes, Most Certainly. But That Isn’t The “Why”

Is it part of the process that I am going to start becoming the person that Mikaila fell in love with? Yes, it is. It is a guarantee that I am. But I am doing that because it is necessary to leave behind the legacy that I want to. If I treat the world the way I treated Mikaila after I died, the only thing I will be remembered for is hurting people.

I Don’t Want My Name to Be Remembered. In Fact, I Could Care Less

I don’t even want to be remembered honestly. I really don’t care if my name is mentioned ever again after I die. And I know even after everything, if Mikaila reads that last sentence, she is still going to want to wallop me upside the head. But, my dear, before you get too far ahead of yourself, there is a reason why. You always taught me to ask questions first, then respond accordingly, even if I didn’t hear you at the time.

I don’t care if my name is remembered because I don’t want my legacy to be tied to my name or the perception of “who I was”. I want my legacy to be tied to the amount of value it provides to the world after I am gone.

My “Why” Actually Has Two Parts

In the process of remembering my “why” I remembered the second part. The second part of why my legacy was so important to me is because, I think, to an extent, I am actually afraid of death. But I don’t think I am afraid of dying, I think I am afraid of no longer being alive and conscious to keep helping people. To keep seeing people smile and hear their laughter. To see the way Mikaila would always smile right before she kissed me. The pure love in her eyes when she looked at me. The way Vivica’s eyes smiled when she smiled.

And so, it is so imperative to me to leave a legacy, because I still want to help people experience joy, and happiness, and love, even when I am no longer physically able to do so. I don’t want Vivica to go through struggling to pay for college. I don’t want Mikaila to go through this 9-5 malarky and not be able to pursue her dreams of traveling and being a successful author. Because I kid you not, that woman is an amazing writer. I would read and collect every one of her books if I could.

I don’t want my legacy to be tied to my name because I don’t want people to associate the value with “Noah Caldwell”. I want the value to be associated with the progress, however small and meaningful, that the people who receive it make.

I Honestly Never Believed I Would Get Here. I Was Betting I Would Fail. Mikaila Was Betting I Would Win

So, I love that I have discovered all of this. To be honest, when Mikaila left, and I started this blog, I did not expect to even make it this far. I really didn’t believe that I would ever be able to change. It’s crazy that the person I was hurting believed in me more than I did. That is a testament to her character more than anything.

But I did it. I literally have started successfully overcoming the dragons I have faced. Which that alone has me tearing up. I never thought I would make it to this point. Even though it is quite literally the beginning of the road, I never thought I could get here. Mikaila did. The entire two years. Until it just became too much to watch the guy she loved slowly waste away to anxiety and depression.

If I am honest? I don’t think I would have ever kicked myself it to gear if she didn’t leave. But the hard part is waking up missing her smile, and the way she looked at me, and questioning if she still loved me enough when she left to ever be interested in bonding with the old Noah now that he’s slowly starting to reappear, or if I pushed her so long and so hard that she feels nothing.

That is a question I don’t think I will ever have the answer to. But what I do have the answer to is what drives me. Why I am doing what I am doing. Why I am going where I am going. It’s almost like an old neon light that went out long ago finally got a spark and slowly flickered on.

Using The Knowledge I Have Learned from These Mentors to Form a Course That Aligns with My Goals

While I don’t think I am going to be pursuing future mentoring sessions, there are a couple of things that I really did appreciate about all of this. The first is reconnecting me with my why. The second is teaching me the value of self-development, self-growth, and investing in yourself. Mikaila told me for a very long time that I couldn’t maintain investing in her and her daughter, if I didn’t invest in myself. And I believe her mother said something similar when Mikaila asked her if she could go on a date with me again.

It just really didn’t click until I sat in that room. It didn’t click until these mentors started sending me these books, and resources, and investing in me. It was at that point that the entire two years of investment that Mikaila poured into me vested. It matured. And when it did so, it started growing exponentially.

And the last thing. The most important thing to me, is the emphasis on investing the knowledge you gain into helping others. While I quickly began to realize that was a vehicle for making money for the people who were mentoring me, I began to look around my community, and I began to see need. I began to see myself heading on the path where I could gain resources, and I realized that I wanted to invest those resources into the community around me. But I didn’t want a dime from it.

Why I Want to Invest in My Community for Free

Unlike the situation I am currently politely excusing myself from, I don’t want a dime from investing in my community. I do it because I want to help people, and so many good people can’t further their life because every guru has a “course” that is “guarantying success” to do nothing more than fill their pockets.

No one else is choosing to do this so I am not going to stay seated while everyone else is. I want to teach others how to build a legacy for free because it isn’t about the money. And it never will be. It’s about watching the sigh of relief on a single mom’s face as she checks her bank account and realizes she no longer has to rely on government support to feed her daughter, she no longer has to choose between time to herself and fighting for her daughter’s future, she no longer has to worry about finding ANY job, because she has the freedom to get WHATEVER job she wants on WHATEVER timeline she wants.

Dollar Signs Won’t Sit by You on Your Death Bed. People Will.

Everyone else is doing this for dollar signs in their bank accounts. I’m doing it for the smiles on those mamas faces when they realize their daughter is finally going to have the life and opportunities that have always wanted for them.

To me, that is worth more than any sum of money anyone could offer me. When I die, I not going to be thinking about the number of bills in that suitcase, I’m going to be remembering her smile. That’s what matters.